Falling

Erm.. Do you think how to be more confident person? Lately i was searching for that answer. I wonder how to make myself more confident in front of other, telling them that this is me.. I never present myself confidently... Somehow, the impact of my ex-bestfriends still haunting me, i don't want to show any weaknesses in front of them so i won't be attacked. But somehow i feel tired. I want to stand up, but no courage. I really scared of everything here.. I scared to lose my friends once more that make me really cannot express my true feeling to them. I always bring some 'image' to make them comfortable with me, but inside i'm crying..
Once i think to run from everything, to make myself busy, no time to hang out so i won't be that scared. But, this thing keep bugging me.. I really really wanna run away... Why i'm not someone that sooooo rich so i can move to any universities that i want? Why i'm not someone who were so open so i can tell everyone about my problem and get their sympathy? Why not.. Why not maybe my life stop now, so i no need to cry.. This really tooo much that make me very scared even to face the coming tomorrow...

Realization

Lately, I was thinking about all the thing that happen in the past. The time when i start to meet my friends, the time i start my education in USM, and everything that i've been through. I have faced a lot of hardship all this time for sure and i dunno somehow i manage to pass. The worst thing that happen is when i was left by my friends. I was very down, hurt, shock, and depressed. Sometimes, i'm thinking about all those things, why it's happen etc. But, as the time pass by, i realize why all those things happen, what He want me to do, and why He make me stay away from them...
Erm, maybe if you're not so close to me you won't realize my change. Got one time that i remember the most when i was que up for food and i was frowned because the ques was too long and i already hungry. After ate, i went back to the hall and pray. At that time all the things came to my mind, all the scene when i behaving like impatient person. And i started to think, "Ya lo, why i become like that now? Isn't that last time i was very lenient person? very relax one?" (blame my elder sister who teach me to become a lazy and lenient person, hahahaha... and when i went back last time i learned the laziness from her once more :P) I started to think back trough, and i realize that He don't want me to become one of them who have no heart and cannot tolerate people.. Somehow, even now i still struggling to let them go i start to feel better and better.. I know someday everything will end.. ^^

Btw, i'm totally busy this semester.. i join 3 club (only 2 active actually.. hahahha) and they really have a lot of event.. But somehow i love this busy life... (maybe i already become 38 *read in chinese* person like my elder sister.. hihihihi)

ps: my lovely elder sister, i lap u so muach... hihihihi

CUS Coffee Morning

Today we do a fund rising for our CUS.. We held it in two churches, one is in OLS and another is in Assumption. We never expect that the event went well and we can earn quite much. Really thanks to God :)
The day before the fund raising, we all stay in the FM house to prepare the food. But since we all love to play more, we end up playing till 1 or 2 AM in the morning.. And the result is we just have 3 hour (or less) sleep. We wake up around 4AM to prepare all the food that we gonna sell straightly after the mass. Luckily the church that i choose have a late mass, so after i prepare the food i sleep again... Hahahahah..
Well, this is our first fund raising and the earn is quite much. And there's a lot of good people who wanna donate for us, so before we all went back we donate the leftover of the food to the orphan. But in the end not all the food we donate since there is some ungrateful member who bring the food go dating and get lost =.=.. That people really try to make my blood boil and kill them.. OMG!!
But ok la, it's their problem with God.. I'm really thankful that this fund raising went well!! :))

Wonder

Sometimes i was thinking.. Where i found those bitches, why i never saw their bitches attitude since the start.. I should have realize that they took me for granted, they just saw me as a THING, that last time was looks so interesting and now time to take a new thing and throwing the old rubbish... Haih, how long i have been sulking and crying for those bitches.. =.=
I wonder why lately i always bump to them, and they make such a bitchy innocent face that really piss me off.. Trying to be nice to someone they need, and forgetting the one they don't need.. What a bitch!!
I think my sulking is enough for now.. i should continue my assignment.. =.=
My course getting busier and busier.. I really got no time to play...

Convo Week

Hi everyone.. as what i promise, i'm back!
OK! I'll start from the very beginning of the week that i missed to write here: CONVO WEEK!!
Well, it's not really a good week since the university bus stop operating, but it's nice cuz i celebrate my senior convo and also there is a lot of food stall open :P
The first convo day was last tuesday and it was Jus See Lin and Melod convocation.. this is Jus konvo...

and this is melod one.. hehehhee












The next day, i went to my Indonesian senior konvo and also Mellisa Reeve one. Too bad i cannot attend the saturday convocation, cuz i already paid some money to go around penang with my friends..
But this convo week is really really unforgettable, cuz they used to be my hang out friends and suddenly they won't be here anymore.. It's a bit sad but i wanna say CONGRATULATION TO U ALL!!!!

Sorry!!!!

Sorry everyone.. for my long hiatus.. This few weeks has become the craziest week, start from weekly assignment, convocation week (means no bus) and no cancel class =.=
i promise i'll update my blog as soon as i can.. thank you!!