Falling

Erm.. Do you think how to be more confident person? Lately i was searching for that answer. I wonder how to make myself more confident in front of other, telling them that this is me.. I never present myself confidently... Somehow, the impact of my ex-bestfriends still haunting me, i don't want to show any weaknesses in front of them so i won't be attacked. But somehow i feel tired. I want to stand up, but no courage. I really scared of everything here.. I scared to lose my friends once more that make me really cannot express my true feeling to them. I always bring some 'image' to make them comfortable with me, but inside i'm crying..
Once i think to run from everything, to make myself busy, no time to hang out so i won't be that scared. But, this thing keep bugging me.. I really really wanna run away... Why i'm not someone that sooooo rich so i can move to any universities that i want? Why i'm not someone who were so open so i can tell everyone about my problem and get their sympathy? Why not.. Why not maybe my life stop now, so i no need to cry.. This really tooo much that make me very scared even to face the coming tomorrow...