A piece of my thought...

I just finish reading a novel titled Snow Flower and Secret Fan. Well, this novel was achingly beautiful, interesting, it bring you through a life journey of a girl named Lily. In this story she told more about her old same, Snow Flower. They have a very strong bond as a best friend and a sister and almost unbreakable... 

Well, hopefully i did not give you too much spoiler because it'll be good if you read it yourself. But personally, from this novel i think a lot about friendship and trust. I love my friends especially those that close to me and i don't want to lose them, so mostly when they intentionally or unintentionally hurt my feeling i'll keep quiet, just like what Lily do. To those that i treasure so much, i often stay quiet when they lie to me. If front people i'll say i don't mind, but deep inside i feel hurt. I'm not angry, i feel i don't have the right to be angry, but i feel sad. And again, maybe in that novel i was Lily, a type of person who hold everything inside and burst after so long. Thanks to that novel, i think twice to act as harsh as what Lily had done to her old same. But still, to act carefully does not means that the pain is gone, the pain is there but you are to scared to talk it out. You can say i'm too sensitive, exaggerating, etc; but sometimes some act are just too unbearable to be kept inside. And i don't want to end up like Lily in her 'sitting quietly' time, which she fill the rest of her life with regret and sadness. Maybe i'm too stress right now... *sigh*

Tired...

I'm tired.. I can't breathe, i feel suffocated. I don't know what's wrong with myself, i'm not even sure that i do the right things. I started to get tired of a certain people and i don't know whose fault is that.. Me? Him / Her? It's unclear. Everyone have their own reason why they do certain behavior, why they act like this, why they think like that. And the things that make people fight is because even though how good we are at reading others, we're not good enough in understanding them. We, or i can address this as I, are too busy to stick on our own understanding and principal.
If you ask me now, i won't say that i'm wrong, but i'm not sure if i'm right. Why? I also don't know. I Just feel that everything is too messy to become understandable for me and i don't know whether it's my fault or their fault, they changed or i changed.
All i wanna do now is cursing myself because i'm not bold enough, because i'm not brave enough to confront them and tell them what's wrong and solve this. All i can do is just complaining to others. I'm tired.........