Dilemma

I'm in a dilemma... Sometimes i wonder, am i too negative? Or am i too picky? Am I a perfectionist? Well, to tell you, i don't think i am.. But i dunno what others might think about me. I just want everything to be done just nice. I don't like a so so result with so so work, whenever you can do your best just do it.

Recently i just can't read some people out, they were just weird. I saw one friends that use to be a perfectionist and a high demand person. She wants the best work and she looks down on others. I don't know, for me when you look down on others that means you have the real quality that you can show to people. But recently everything seems like confusing, i don't know if it was me that not sensitive enough since the start or maybe it just happen like that. I was shock, that the girl that used to look down on others suddenly look up to this one guy, whom i don't think he have a quality. Well, he do have mouth though. He can provoke people well, he can make things from bad to worse successfully and he can think as if the world was his! Well, i don't know whether her feelings for him is love or affection or whatever, but what i care is this things start to affect her works. She started to agree to everything that he said (even though sometimes the thing is obviously ridiculous), she started to trust him without reason even though this guy fail her more than 3 times (well, not yet thousand times maybe), but it affect everything. I feel pity to her, she used to be someone that have a high demand and arrogant, but end up looking up at someone that everyone is looking down at, for me it's just ironic. Well, i don't know.. This is my biased opinion and it might be very judgmental, but in fact, it affects everyone.... *sigh*

I need an Escapism

I need a break, i wanna runaway.. As far as i can, from my project and from my problem. Why problems have to come during a heavy time like this? I wonder why. You can say i'm weak, but i just wanna runaway...

I need a hug

Tic.. Toc.. Tic.. Toc..
OH MY GOD!! I'm stress!! Now, i'm in my final year and currently organizing a campaign. At first i thought everything will go smoothly, but now i don't even know what will happen to me and my colleagues after this. Our campaign totally in a terrible mess, no sponsor, rough planning, a lot parasites. And the worst thing ever is when my Professor told us that "THIS IS THE WORST CAMPAIGN I'VE EVER HAD! AND IF YOU ALL FAIL TO FIND SPONSORS, I'LL MARK YOU BASED ON YOUR PRE-LAUNCHING AND THERE WILL BE NO ONE GET HIGHER THAN A D"
....
....
....
*Speechless*

Well, let me tell you the rough condition in my campaign. Basically, i don't have problem with anyone (Except those that totally become a parasite). Most of them are very hardworking, they are really put all their effort there, i salute them somehow. But, there is one great parasite in my campaign right now. It is really over confident, show off, lebay (i think 'lebay' suit him more rather than hyperbole), and it is really great, clever ad cool, till there is no single work it can do. WOW!! what a prefect parasite! I would like to send him to bio lab, to run some test on it and see how far a single parasite able to piss of a big tree. And maybe what kind of bird bring it here? 'The showing off' bird or 'i can dominate everyone' bird or 'well i know in another tree i won't look that great, so i come here' bird... Well, it'll be interesting i guess...
Ok, enough with my complaint. Btw, i would like to say sorry to those that i disturb a lot because of my stress. I know some of you who read this blog is the victims. I'm really sorry. Or if i ever come out with such a mellow statement, well, half of cause is really this project and maybe some other matter. I'm totally sorry..

I hope it is not true...

I was scared with something lately.. Something i don't really know or maybe something i don't really want to recognize and talk about. But this thing become bigger and bigger, it's eating me from the inside. I hope it is just my feeling, i hope everything will be okay soon, and i hope that my fear will never come true...
The fear started to get worse after i came back to USM, but i'm not sure when.. Maybe last week? maybe this week? I never really know when. What i know is the pain is not caused by my FYP work (of course it's stressful, but i think i started to get use to it) and if i wanna complain about my FYP, i think i gonna curse people not writing such a blur story. Beside, to tell you the truth, i also don't know how to describe it, it's just scary and i fear it a lot. All i know now is if my fear come true that means i have to pick every piece of heart alone and maybe i have to start over again (i don't know how long it gonna take because it never be easy)
I think this is the end of the post, i don't know what should i write...