Reminiscence of my life

Sensitivity oh sensitivity.. Why did you have to come in such inappropriate time??? Instead of coming in the middle of the semester, this problem choose to show themselves during new year. Well, it did not ruin my new year, but it ruins my whole mood. Actually i don't know where to start. The image, the time, the picture, the event, and the pain come too fast. It only need one night, to change my whole way of thinking, my mood and my happiness.
I don't really like to remember something about my past that make me cry, but i also don't like to forget those past. Trust me, thousands time, since more than 15 years ago i've tried to runaway, but it end up the same, the pain come back as fresh as new. I've choose to face it sometimes, to cried about it and confess all my feeling for it. After that time, i thought the pain already gone, everything is ok. I thought...
But why now? I wonder. When i feel i have a happy life and i already forgiven it, those story haunted me again. Those people come back and haunted me, the image of the teacher i loathe the most, the picture of the gang i despise the most, the picture of my old and scary mother come back. Come to think of it, i know that i never mend everything back yet. I just left it like that when i left my elementary school. I started to have a beautiful junior and senior high, at least i feel better.
I know it's such an old pain. But why did it need to haunt me back? Why can't it leave me so that i can have a little peace. Now, to tell you the truth, since that time i have no peace. I'm scared. I fear of my friends gonna bully me again, gonna leave me, gonna laugh at me all is BACK! And the worst is, the fear of facing my own mom. I don't know whether this fear is just an illusion or a fact, i can't differentiate it. It slowly make me feel more and more terrified. No matter how much people tell me they won't leave me, the fear of betrayal never go.. And i don't know why...