This is the 100th times...

This is the hundred times i think about it. Countless time i've been questioning myself about it. Why in my point of view living is very hard? Why in my eyes people need to struggle to live? And the most important of all: "Why do i have to feel the pain of struggling?"
I've seen someone that act like a dumb about their problem. trying to make everyone, even God, believe that he/she is very ok. That he/she have a beautiful life, that everyone love her/him, that he/she can laugh out loud even though it is a fake.. But at least in some people point of view, he/she was HAPPY!! Why can't i be like her/him? At least i try to make myself believe that everything was ok, nothing wrong with myself.. But i can't.. I'll end up trying to find if there's anything wrong with me, and i'll keep on thinking about it... Why can't i be someone that very sure about myself, until i'm untouchable? Even tough how much i hate a certain person who annoys me, i adore him/her.. Why? Because he/she never care about it!! At least she/he act like a dumb.. And why do i have to care when problem annoys me? I know it's not good to be so dumb about what people feel about you, but once in a while it's good, because it make you feel better for a while.. At least for a few minutes or for a few seconds..
Or maybe.. Why i can't be someone that have so much money? That i can buy a fake friends and fake loyalty for a few seconds.. At least for a few seconds i believe that i was loved by everyone.

This is just a desperate post.. Just ignore it.. I just want to spit it out..