Terrified
Is there anyone can remind me why i'm still here?? Why i have to stay in people's country and study. Lately, i feel empty, left out, and useless. What am i?? So many things make me think this way, i feel like i have a trauma to rebuild things that crushed in the past...
I really feel like i want to go back home, i don't want to stay here. I'm so scared.. I scared of their rejection. My confidence fly to the air, i don't have any confidence to believe in other and renew everything. I'm scared....
I still wonder why i still have to continue everything, why can't they stop? I'm tired... I want to run, if only i have choices. Why i'm not a f*cking damn rich girl who proclaim that they were strong and in the end they runaway because their parents got a lot of money to running her away.. Why i'm not in that situation????? Why i have to be here, alone and left with no choice??!!! Life is too unfair... Really too unfair... And i hate this life.....
If tomorrow was my end, i might be happier, might i???
I really feel like i want to go back home, i don't want to stay here. I'm so scared.. I scared of their rejection. My confidence fly to the air, i don't have any confidence to believe in other and renew everything. I'm scared....
I still wonder why i still have to continue everything, why can't they stop? I'm tired... I want to run, if only i have choices. Why i'm not a f*cking damn rich girl who proclaim that they were strong and in the end they runaway because their parents got a lot of money to running her away.. Why i'm not in that situation????? Why i have to be here, alone and left with no choice??!!! Life is too unfair... Really too unfair... And i hate this life.....
If tomorrow was my end, i might be happier, might i???
posted by natalia at
2:56 PM
4 Comments:
I do not know what is going on in your life... and do not know either why you are here and so on. I am aware that I am not the kind of person who you can seek for such answers, for I am not you, and you are not me - and neither that I am God Himself.
But one thing I do know... that the fact that I am here, reading through your blog and commenting it here... and knowing that there are also other people who are doing the same things just like me (like my dear friend Maureen, for example)... I hope you are reminded that there are people out there who is constantly supporting you, regardless whether you realize it or not.
You can't run. I admit too that such privileges are really a luxury which most of us can't afford in life... but I believe that you are definitely not alone in what you are going through.
Hmm...
Eagles throw their baby from the hill to the bottomless pit.. so they can soar and fly gracefully..
Thanks Wilson for the great advice. Ya Lia.. You are absolutely not alone - that alone thingy is perhaps just a feeling - because i too always have that feeling.. Remember that you have a guardian angel with u. maybe once in a while u pray to your guardian angel so that this feeling will go away.. you know what? i really salute the way u adapt to your life here - how u mix with all the people here and how you communicate - i see a sense of belonging from u..
owh, please don't give up girl. that feeling of giving up is one of the test and temptation. remember that when u finally overcome all those things, you will feel a greater pleasure than achieving those thing without any hardships. one day the pleasure you gained after completing all these things will make u treasure these hardships - cause these hardships is your teacher for greatness.
all the best for your exam ya girl.. :)
thanks mau2.. *sob* *sob*... muah... :)
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